I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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