she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
