Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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