For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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