My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
