did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
