I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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