got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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