Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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