***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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