I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
