Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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