after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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