At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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