I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
