"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
