Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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