I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
