Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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