i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
