Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
