This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
