I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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