Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
