anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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