I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My penis needs a shock collar
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
