I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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