My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
