Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
