my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
