the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
