I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
