Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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