my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
