So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
