if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
