shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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