actually, I'm a sock model
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
