Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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