from now on my penis is your penis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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