What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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