I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
