so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
