I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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