There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
false alarm. still invincible.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
