Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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