We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
