Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
