fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
