My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
