How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
