we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i came on her dog
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
